A Letter to My Abuser

Posted by on Jun 27, 2016

Rain

In general I’m a pretty open book. Anyone who has known me for more than a few days knows that I had a son in high school who I gave up for adoption. And that I struggled with infertility for years. But not as many know that I was also abused as a young girl. For years. By someone I loved and trusted. I don’t know why this particular thing feels like a dirty little secret, but it has. But today, I’m speaking out. At least a little.

If I had my way I would never talk to you again. I would never think about you or stop to catch my breath every time your name is mentioned. But because of the things you did to me I no longer have control over that. You took so much from me. You ruined relationships and forever tainted others; you changed my entire life. And in doing so, the lives of those around me. The ones I love the most.

I’m not sure that I will ever be able to forgive you. (I’m not sure if I even care.) I definitely don’t believe that you actually deserve my forgiveness. I cannot fathom what you could have possibly been thinking. What ever made you think you had the right to touch a little girl that way? What made you think it was okay to abuse the trust of your son, your family, and especially me, your granddaughter? Because I did trust you; to love me and to take care of me. Not to do awful things to me!

I hope and pray that one day what you did to me will no longer affect my life. Until then, I can at least rest easy knowing you can no longer inflict this kind of pain on anyone else.



Comments

  1. Wow. You are amazing! Your honesty will heal you. We’re only as sick as the secrets we keep. Way to go, Jacki! God bless you.

  2. As a fellow birth mother, sexual abuse survivor, infertility survivor and woman I commend you on your strength! I truly believe you didn’t give up your child, I believe with every ounce of my being you placed him for adoption. That small change in term has changed so much in my life. I am proud of you for opening up. I know the strength it takes!

  3. Mara Shelley says:

    I hope you get some healing! Abuse is such an awful thing and from a family member is just ten times worse. You are incredible.